Welcome to The Kuozone Layer, a new column by artist and friend of OC Andrew Kuo. Kuo's first installment explores the mystical world of the NBA finals, which began last night.

One shot from the foul line would tell us some magical secret of the universe. The hoop that taught me how to deal with life's various disappointments wasn't quite the regulation 10 feet. It was more like 9 feet and a few inches. "Will we ever be happy? Are there turtles in the ocean as big as small cars? Is there an after-life? Will we eat spaghetti? Will we die soon? Yes or no? The ball don't lie."  I would guess I hit around 36% of my shots, lifetime.

Sure, Lebron James' concept of "Karma" is a loose one, but if it does exist, he deserves something good beyond the scope of a misdirected TV special. When you Google Image Search Jason Kidd, the fourth image that comes up is a mug shot. JJ Barea is lucky and gifted, and gifted because he's lucky. Shawn Marion seems sad. Dirk Nowitzki is the best European player to ever play in the NBA without an upper lip (literally). Jason Terry Looks like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Chris Bosh is 6'10",  but plays like he's 6'5". Tyson Chandler screams a lot.

What does it all mean?

This is how I propose we watch these NBA finals: like weird people. We should pay attention to everything. We should be happy for Dirk Nowitzki and the amazing career he's had. We should be happy for Mike Miller, who seems to have gotten some new tattoos recently. We should want to hi-five the Jet every time he goes in for a landing (or is he taking off?). We should appreciate Lebron James and Dwayne Wade, because they seem like they're having fun.

And we should totally put our own lives in the balance of these games, too. If Dirk finally wins it all, we should quit our jobs, buy a synthesizer and make zines. If Mike Bibby hits the series winning shot, we should stop going out, maybe wake up earlier and be nicer to our friends. They are always telling us something.

(The answers to the question above were/are: Maybe, possibly, up for debate, yes, and dunno [and the Heat in 6]).




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